Since 2017, 36% of the human population have discriminated against racoons.

Experts believe that this is due to the Infamous Berlin Power Station Massacre. In this article, we will be discussing this disgusting crime.

It all started in 2001, 67 seconds after WWR, when DTR (Death To Raccoons) was formed by the humans. Members had one thing in common; a seething hatred for all of racoon kind, and a thirst for revenge.

Raccoontopia (as it was dubbed in 1990 during WWR), the neighbouring city of Berlin, was run by a peace union made up of German humans and raccoons alike. DTR aimed to turn the humans against them, and shatter the union. Their popularised slogan ‘BACK DOWN TO THE GROUND RACCOONTOPIA’ soon took over all hashtags of the instagram world.

For sixteen years, they schemed…waiting for the perfect opportunity to destroy Raccoontopia forever. On 14th July 2017, it arose.

DTR head members had been meeting for weeks, planning and antagonizing over every detail, even conversing with German newspapers and ‘The Times‘ journalists.

At 2.10AM om 28th July DTR members set off a high-voltage bomb, causing a power outage all throughout berlin. Anything within 4 miles of the power station was charred to a crisp by 56 billion volts. 136 people died that day. The explosion even caused wild fires to ignite, which soon spread throughout all of southern Berlin.

The next day, ‘The Times‘ released an article blaming Raccoons for the terrible crime. The news spread like wildfire (pun intended!), and soon the masses were accusing racoons for this incident. 256 racoons were framed and arrested for causing the explosion, including the famous hero Blobcoon! This crime against humanity (Raccoonanity) has been unaddressed by majority of humankind, and WE REFUSE to turn a blind eye to this horrific atrocity of a lie.

THAT is the story of the infamous berlin power station massacre.

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Credit to ‘The Times’ for their article ‘Racoon caused explosion at Berlin power station’. Link: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/racoon-caused-explosion-at-berlin-siemensstadt-power-station-lkq0n3jwk

In today’s article we are going to be discussing The great battle of fat racoons in Milwaukee.

If you have been living under a rock for the past 20,000 years or so, the great battle of fat racoons, more commonly known as WWR (world war racoon), you can learn all about it in this article.

It all started on the year 1982, on a Saturday.

The time was exactly 12:40 PM. Racoons had been acting strangely for the past year or so, and incidents involving racoons were becoming more frequent.

On that day the racoons struck.

They let loose a deathly plague, called rabies. 1000’s of people died from the disease.

Not only that, it caused extreme aggression on the infected humans. One hundred people died that night, 70 were sent to jail for murder and extreme aggression.

But this was not how the war started.

It started because the racoons were caught in the act, by a man named Flumper Wumpler.

He woke up in the middle of the night to see 1000s of racoons walking around in his house, taking everything, eating everything, throwing everything, it was complete chaos.

He then quietly slithered out of bed, ran out onto the street and ran like crazy to the nearest police station. Most of the racoons were caught, but some got away and wanted revenge.

That was how the war started.

The high in-command was professor Blob.

His full name was was Racoon Blob The Third, and he was horribly evil and cruel towards humans.

He first invaded Poland, and it was a success.

Next, they marched on to India, which they had a lot of trouble with. Eventually though, they conquered half of the whole of the Indian peninsula.

Eventually, England decided to get involved, so they started an alliance with Russia, and then Australia.

Sadly, the attack was not a success.

They tried to invade India. They did a full on attack, and it was a huge loss for England.

They lost hundreds of thousands of men, for the racoons were simply too strong and smart for mere humans.

Then, England got an idea, instead of fighting the racoons head on, they would use Racoons against Racoons!

Brilliant!

So they thanked Russia and Australia for their help in the battlefield, and then made a new alliance with the USA.

The USA was fresh supplied with highly trained professional racoons. Meanwhile, the racoon army marched on, its size increasing drastically.

They had now conquered all of Africa, and were crushing anything in sight.

Professor Blob blamed a certain animal for all of their misfortunes.

This animal was in fact humans.

He put all the humans in his conquered countries in jail, concentration camps, or death.

Then, racoons that were loyal to the English and the USA military, launched the attack against Professor Blob’s rogue army.

They took back the half of India, and gave it back to the Indian people.

Professor Blob was driven back to Poland. From there, he escaped to Milwaukee. Once there, he realized that Milwaukee’s residents were against the Racoon’s cause, so he felt compelled to launch an attack on them and ended up conquering Milwaukee in the now famous Great Battle Of The Fat Racoons in Milwaukee.

Soon, the only place they had left was Milwaukee.

England stepped back and sent the USA’s loyal racoon platoon, Sergeant General Big Blooper, on an attack and kill mission, targeted at Professor Blob himself.

They clashed, and the ground rumbled.

In the end, Professor Blob jumped into the sea, never to be seen again.

That is the story of WWR, the Great Battle Of The Fat Racoons in Milwaukee.

This is one of the most controversial topics that have to do with the biography of the successful writer.

People have argued thousands of times if he uses a shuttle or a rocket.

As the most recognised official biographers and all around experts in all topics Roald Dahl related, we believe we know the answer to this bone breaking question.

The answer is, he obviously used a rocket.

How do we know this?

We peeped on his personal diary.

It was volume 37 of the third collection of summer of 1965.

In it, he obviously wrote about his past experiences, which include some of the following things: A more personal story of his is when he did some business with an engineer, and he created a machine, that you could use glide through the air for a good 20 minutes.

He had a near death experience, but he never forgot the thrill of the shaking and holding on. This engineer was in fact Michael Jordan, and that was how the hang glider was invented. 

This is how we know what Roald Dahl used when he felt like going to the moon. Keep in mind that this was not the only business he made with engineers. He also made a business deal with Lebron James, but thats a story for another day.

THAT is how we found out what Roald Dahl’s favourite spaceship was.